Wakened by the Sunshine
Sometimes after a particularly tumultuous period, like the last two weeks have been, I stop for a moment of self-pity. You see, I’m really not a very demanding person. I just want simplicity and normalcy, a rather unselfish desire, I think. Other people may want expensive toys or fancy jewelry but I don’t care about that – I just want time to go by without constant disruption and the subsequent spikes of anxiety. I want it so I can be a better wife, friend, daughter.
In moments like that, there’s a tiny voice in the recesses of my heart that says if my desires are so good, so very righteous in comparison to everyone else’s wants, then why can’t I have them?
I was in something of a mood like that on Monday when a tiny box was delivered to my desk with a statement that I had won a drawing I’d entered almost six months ago. Inside was a brand spanking new, shiny, beautiful, yellow iPod Nano.
There is no doubt that this iPod was meant for me since its assembly. I’ve never had the money for it, but I’ve wanted one – specifically a yellow one – forever, secretly perusing the iPod section of the Apple website. But, you know, I’m not allowed to want that. That’s not beneficial for ministering to people. So I would close the website and go back to lusting after all the things that could make me a better person, if only I could have them.
But I rushed home that evening and somewhere in the midst of setting up “MY iPod. My YELLOW iPod” (as I repeatedly informed Andy) I was suddenly struck with how wrong I had it all.
God is so good. He’s so good that in the midst of my self-righteous kicking and screaming and whining he chose to give me something so very unexpected and special. Something I would never have permitted myself to want, he just gave to me freely, gratuitously, purely for pleasure and just for my own delight and enjoyment. God’s goodness knows no bounds of practicality or obviousness. Sometimes he just loves us.
That little yellow iPod – that little item that, if I had bought it for myself, would have seemed so selfish and worldly – turned all my priorities upside down. My “unselfish” desires were nothing more thinly disguised attempts to manipulate God into giving me what I want. But this little sunny, happy and completely superfluous box speaks to me of the perfection of his plans. Of the goodness of his purposes.
As I think about this, I can see all the pieces of sunshine sprinkled in the midst of the chaos of the last few weeks. God is good. He may not always be good in the way I want him to be good; but that doesn’t mean that I enjoy the results of his goodness any less! When we let go of what our hearts are so firmly set on, we can be awakened to the goodness of God that surrounds us daily. When we hang on to what we want, no matter how good of a thing it may seem to be, we are blind to the myriad blessings that are perpetually being showered upon us. May we be dead to the world and alive to Christ – and thus awake to all the beautiful earthly blessings that he showers on us so unexpectedly.